You Broke Me So Completely
by MyKa HoLLy
Summary: short story written in Jacks pov. it tells a story of how the cowboy feels after losing the one person he cared for most. slash. oneshot but more may be coming.


**You Broke Me So Completely**

_Authors Note: Let me know what you think. I wrote this after a night of no sleep so please forgive the typos and stuff. I think this is pretty good. Please review. I live on reviews and I need them. I love you all. I guess this can be any pairing (if u ignore the 1 cowboy comment) tho I meant for it to be Spot/Jack. Luv Yas! REVIEW! pretty please?_

**You broke my heart. Repeatedly. It seems as if I keep getting my heart trampled on everytime I think that it's gonna get better. It never does. The only thing that gets better is the amount of time I have to waste trying to figure out when you're going to deal that devastating blow. You bring me to my knees.**

**Do you know how much you hurt me? Is it some kind of game to you? Let's see how many times I can break the Cowboy's heart? Is that it? I wish you knew how much I loved you. There won't ever be anyone else for me. You've ruined me like that.**

**I've tried to move on but every person I kiss, turns into you behind my closed eyelids. You won't leave my mind. I miss you so much. I wish I didn't love you so much. All it brings is unbearable pain and heartache. I thought you loved me. I believed the words when they slipped from your soft lips. I took them for granted. There's nothing I want more than yesterday. I want to be in your arms again. I want to feel the way you used to make me feel. It hurts so bad now. Baby I'm torn apart. I just want to die sometimes. You've broken every part of me that was strong. I bet you relish in that knowledge. I don't. It hurts more than anything I've ever felt. It's hard to believe but it hurts more than my mother dying. It hurts much worse than my father walking away. He never loved me anyway, not like I believed you did. I miss you.**

**I wish you could see me now. I wish you could see exactly what has become of me. I try to hide it so good but I know that I can't disguise the way that I feel. It's like a part of me is missing. I never cried before you left. I want you back here in my arms. I promise I'll be everything I never was before. I've learned my lesson. No more pushing you away. No more pretending. I know that I love you. It's the only thing that I know for sure anymore.**

**The pain inside my heart never seems to go away. Even when I'm in her arms, I miss you. I miss the way you made me feel when you wrapped your arms around me and kissed my lips. I never felt anything better than your kisses. The sex was good. Don't get me wrong. That's not what I miss. I miss the tender stolen kisses in the alleyways whenever we would get done selling or you'd surprise me by showing up early. I felt like I was floating. I thought my life couldn't get any better. It's true. My life will never get any better than it was when I was with you. I don't think I can let it. I don't ever want to get over you. You are the only person I have ever loved, even if that love came with a heavy price.**

**Oh God! I miss you so much! Please come back! I'm down on my knees. I wish you were laying here with me. The bunks seem so much colder without you here.**

**Do you remember when we got found out? Do you remember the look on Racetrack's face as he burst through the door? I can't forget it. It still brings a smile to my face, only now it's bittersweet. It's tainted with the pain you caused. His mouth opened and closed so many times. He couldn't make a sound, which is a first for him. All that came out of his mouth was a girlish squeak before he closed the door and walked away. Do you remember how we were so scared? We thought he'd tell them all about us. We weren't ready, yet, for everyone to know.**

**I think it was better when it was a secret. The sneaking was half the fun. I missed that ya know? I miss being pulled into alleys by you. I miss being kissed until I couldn't breathe. No one's ever taken my breath away like you did.**

**No one has ever made me feel the way you did. No one ever will again. You won't ever leave my heart. I can never let anyone else inside, past my barriers. You know how quick you broke them down? It was like you didn't even have to try. You owned me body and soul from the first kiss to the last goodbye. I miss that feeling, don't you?**

**Do you ever even think about me, the one who knows you best? Do you think of me when you're alone? You're all I can think about. You're always on my mind. I would have followed you to the end of the world. I would have died for you. I have, in some sense. My heart, for the most part, died when you left. It's kept alive now by the memory of you. I would have done anything for you. I want you to know that. If you ever start to feel down, please close your eyes and remember me, the boy who loves you for everything you are, inside and out. I love you for everything you did, and everything you didn't. I will be there for you when everything else falls to pieces. I am yours, like it or not. My heart belongs to you, so therefore I do too. Body and soul baby. I love you so much.**

**I wish I could hate you, ya know? I even wish that I could be mad at you for leaving me. I can't blame you though. I knew it was coming. I think you did too. I was so scared of losing you and being hurt again. You don't know how much you hurt me. I pushed you away so that you couldn't hurt me so bad, but I only succeeded in destroying the one good thing in my life. You were everything to me. You were everything good about me. I don't know who I am without you. I'm lost.**

**Please forgive me for everything I've done wrong. I know I messed up. I wish I could make that up to you. I would do everything in my power to make you love me again. The tears stinging at my eyes never fell before you left.**

**Do you still love me? Did you ever? Were the words you spoke a lie to break me? They seemed so real to me. I don't know how I live without them.**

**Every "I love you" that slipped from your rosebud lips, breathed life into my heart's frozen corpse. Every stolen kiss seemed to light up my soul. Every hug and every touch brought to me a warmth that I never knew existed. You made me believe in fairy tales. You had me believing in Happily Ever After. Will there ever be a Happily Ever After for us? I can pray for it, but it doesn't work if it's only one sided.**

**I can't live without you. I want to feel your arms around me right now. Why aren't you here? You were always the one I leaned on when times got rough. What am I supposed to do now? I have no idea what I'm living for without you. My days pass so slowly, so painfully. You have me praying for death. I don't feel anything but the constant pain inside my chest. There's a gaping hole there. It grows bigger everyday. I need you. I'm so lost without you. I don't know which way is up. I seem to keep burying myself deeper and deeper into this bottomless pit. Why won't you help me out? I can't do it alone.**

**I wish there was something I could say, something I could do. Anything. I'd do it for you. Anything to get you back. All I want is you, and as these tears make their way down dirt ridden cheeks, I can't help but cry out for you. The night offers me no comfort. I am alone in my pain. You left me. I'm all by myself. I miss you. I love you. Please come back. I need your arms around me one more time. I need to feel loved, because I think I'm drowning in my own sorrow. There's no escape. It hurts so bad. It's destroying me from the inside out. It kills me to know that I drove you away. I wasn't thinking. I made a mistake. If there is a God, please let him bring you back to me, because I can't stand the pain.**

**I must shut my heart now. You will always be trapped inside. I must stop thinking. All I can think about is you. I must dry these tears. They will fall forever unseen without you. I must move on. There will never be another. I must let go. I will never let you go.**

**I will never forget. I will never get over you. I love you with all my heart, my soul and every ounce of my body. I'm yours forever. If only you would claim me once again.**

**Won't you please come and save me from myself?**

**ILOVE YOU...** .forever and always.  
**INEED YOU...** .just like we always promised.  
**PLEASE FORGIVE ME...** .i miss you.

_please review. this story means ALOT to me. it really does. if you read this, please review. would mean the world to me. luv yas!_

_-myka-_


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